Tuesday, May 13, 2008

a load of nothings

Way too many thoughts in my head this evening. I was subtly forced into a rather heartless decision at work - feel low and a bit upset about it all. Don't feel like writing or thinking about turn of events today.

It's funny, life, really. At times you've got to do things to others, which you'd never hope, happen to you. Sometimes you have to make some sort of a wise ass call, to set things straight for everyone else, except perhaps for the individual whose future now seems quite possibly shoved in some dungeon.

Am afraid at times I sort of have an odd time recognizing where am heading or what I may become. Need a break from the present and head somewhere to think & feel things thru. This is not what I want to do. Man - growing up is hard!

It gets quite crowded with "friends" but horribly lonely near the top. Friends remain friends when they want something from you – especially here in the world's most populated city, where you’d find the largest number of loneliest souls. Very few are fortunate to find selfless/giving friends, those who take an interest in you, listen intently no matter what and stick thru the times.

I know about 200+ people in this city, and there isn't a single one amongst them I'd call or think as a true friend. I am, however, quite fortunate to have true friends, back home - the ones I've known since kindergarten, who know everything about my life - the present & the past. Sometimes just being in the presence of friends can uplift moods, bring about a hearty smile and wash away many worries.

Sorry if none of the above make sense. Someone at blogworld once said, writing down our thoughts, helps understand and identify better. No better place to do so, than my casual little blog space.


the real nick said...

Rosh, don't worry my friend,
firing people and/ or backstabbing colleagues becomes easier with time. As you rise through the ranks there are also less people above you who can fire or backstab you. Think of this as a life insurance.

And if it all gets too much for you, just think of.....SHARJAH!

al-republican said...

Hi Rosh,

Your real friends are those that you had made in school as a kid or roommates at University. Once you enter the work life - the proverbial "long run" - you know very few people on personal basis and know them mostly as acquaintances or on professional basis.

I have 5 friends whom I have known since the 4th grade (2 of them I actually have known since Lower Kindergarten!) who are still around and even though we have grown up to be very different and distinct from one another, we still keep in touch and still help each other out. Moreover, when we meet it is ALL so relaxing and it really gives us time to unwind (even though I can't handle all their smoking!). Really, I rate friendship above even blood relations because of some of amazing friends (the 5 above plus 2-3 more I have). These guys have no strings attached and we all respect each others decisions (something I dont find in my family at least).

There is one friendship that is still waiting around the corner though; that friendship is also known as, MARRIAGE! As a person who kept the fairer sex at a fair distance from myself as I grew up, I find it amazing how my friendship with the wife has grown! She has become the single most source of inspiration, help, solace and whatever you can name!

Allah (SWT) says in the Qur'an that He has made a husband and wife as "clothes to one another". The logic and reasoning behind that is really deep and I hope to blog about that verse some day. But, really, I so look forward to coming back home because I find myself so dependent and craving for her company!

Tie the knot and you will know what I mean. Also you wont be lonely anymore in the big city :)

Dubai Entrepreneur said...


I am feeling the same way these days, odd isn't it?

Every time I almost think I have a true friend, I am again disappointed. I've been having this discussion with my brother a couple days ago! We were both saying how we are unable to find true friends in this city.. and whether it's Dubai or the people we run into. People to party with are plenty.. friends on the other hand are a rarity.

moryarti said...

Most frineds here have a transitional nature. They stick around really close for a couple of (insert: days, months, years..etc). Then they kindda fade out of your life to be replaced by a new set of "real" friends this time.. then the transitional cycle makes another round again... and again.

The only true soulmate I have is my wife. She is the one always around, no matter who, when or where.

Anca said...

Hi Rosh,
after reading ur post I'm sure you were in position to dismiss somebody, but I'm definitely sure that you know: life is not always "rose".
Regarding friends, with the exclusion of my husband who is my best friend, I have only one trully friend(we grew up together, from 2years old)back home.
I never missed friends because my family is very warm, open and friendly.I always could and can to talk, ask and get advice and help about each and everything.
My opinion is: The blood will never become water.
Advice:talk to ur mother and to your friends from home :):):)
load ur battery :)looking forward for good news

rosh said...

Awww thanks Nick, you are understanding and also quite generous with salt on the wounds - really helps the healing process hahaha! :) There was no backstabbing - it wasn't my decision, but a group of few people. The economy apparently is beginning to suck - which means the average shall become poorer, and the rich shall remain richer.

And yup - am proud/happy to think of home, a place I grew up and of the experiences which made me what I am. Nothing wrong thinking about SHJ tayyeb? :)

Al - thanks a lot for your words/thoughts. Totally on board, it's quite a fortunate to find friends for life. Am blessed with a 5 I've known all my life - mostly since Kindergarten. We share everything amongst ourselves - the good & the bad. My life is an open book - we are all quite honest/open with each other, zero inhibitions.

Re: marriage/friendship: yeah I know what you are saying. It shall happen, I need to find that fairer sex "friend" - am afraid it's not going to here in NYC :)

rosh said...

Hi DE: welcome to mi blog :)

"People to party with are plenty.. friends on the other hand are a rarity"

Man, this is very true! Plenty of party people - especially in this city. People shall come over to party in the middle of the night and celeberate at your balcony - however if you need help with your broken down car - tough luck :) Worse try discussing something personal, and some get uncomfortable.

Ahlan Mory - what you say is true, most friends/people come into our lives, and transition out at some point. Though we can also be quite fortunate to have those friends from infancy stick with us, thru the years. Sah! a loving partner is indeed the best friend one could ask for :)

rosh said...

Hi Anca: welcome to my blog :) Thanks for your kind words. I'll be fine. I am letting them (yeah, it's about 6 people) know tomorrow - damn! way to ruin a weekend eh? :) It's such a strange feeling....I've done this only once - 2 years back, and I was soooo down, because the lady gave me a heartfull of sorrow :( Ah well, it's New York City - everyone finds jobs - plenty of jobs around :) And Nick is correct(if you read between the lines)I need to face reality and grow up, ha!

Anonymous said...

Rosh, if you had to let people go, be glad it bothers you - it means you still have a heart(!). Also, since the economy is probably going to get worse, these folks may have an advantage, since they'll be looking for new jobs ahead of many others in NYC who are going to lose their jobs.
Separate from that, Rosh, not everyone is married to his/her soul mate. This is the ideal, what we all hope for, but it doesn't always work out that way. If it doesn't, marriage can be lonelier than being alone. I know of what I speak.
I don't want to be too negative, but I do want to say be careful. Don't marry until you are 110% sure it is really right.

Jayne said...

Much, if not all of what has been said by everyone else so far is so true rosh. Genuine friends are few & far between, but 'acquaintances' are ten a penny. I personally have 3 trusted friends outside of my family - a small number I admit - but each one is worth their weight in gold. A partner-in-life is normally the ultimate friend, but that friendship takes years to build, as you grow & learn together.
Great post hon :-) & as Nick says, if it all gets too much, just think of................any one of a million things that make you smile :-))

elle said...

Having been an expat for 9 years I have said goodbye to many 'friends' who I've never heard from again. I'm at that stage where I just couldn't be bothered to make new 'friends'. So much time and energy put into something that once out of sight your out of mind. I'll rather spend time on friendships that have bothered to stayed in touch.

UAE Alias said...

You know I came to a realization that people meet for a reason, and when that reason is over they will wither away from your life one way or another.
True friends are meant to be hard to find, so when you find one treat'm well.

rosh said...

Hello Anon 1:32 PM: welcome to my blog :) Thank you so much for your kind and honest words - truly spoken from the heart. I can almost "feel" all that you are saying, lotsa sentiments there.

Totally agree with it all - but more importantly, a prayer for plenty of bliss ahead. Keep smiling - and yup, shall make sure as certainly possible, when I hitch, it shall be for keeps :)

rosh said...

Hola Jayne: thanks, yup, shall think of all things which bring about a smile :)

Elle: yeah, expats in UAE shall feel similar to you, only because people realize there may not be longevity in many aspects of life. Eventually large majority move on to home nations or other places.

UAE Alias, Marhaban :) Nicely said. It's true - people come into our lives always often for a reason. Each time I look back in life, that statement reflects well :) And yup, true friends are rare - find one, make sure it's for keeps.

Jawahir Jewels (JJ) said...

hello there rosh long time ... well i understand where ur coming from have recently had similer issues and am now wondering if it is in the air ... anyway i still believe that there are ppl who are out there and u dont know that they are ur friends ...

Jawahir Jewels (JJ) said...

i have faced this professionally and personally and well its a topic to be written about soon on the blog

Anonymous said...

Rosh, many people claim to be your friends, but loyalty becomes somewhat a rare commodity when you expect it from them during a crisis. We are wealthier than our ancestors as far as material wealth is considered, but can we say the same about our souls, which I am afraid are on the verge of bankruptcy.

BuJ said...

Rosh, it's time to plant your roses in the same old pot they first sprouted from....

AM said...

Heh, just read the real nick's comment ... while it's true, those few above you can do to you what all the others may not manage to do ... not feeling so good anymore huh?

True what you said about friends ... the hardest part is when they're not around at your lowest moments ... yeah you end up in the blogosphere ... totally understand ...

AM said...

Heh, just read the real nick's comment ... while it's true, those few above you can do to you what all the others may not manage to do ... not feeling so good anymore huh?

True what you said about friends ... the hardest part is when they're not around at your lowest moments ... yeah you end up in the blogosphere ... totally understand ...